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Hatican City tours with Pope and shambolic festival

  1. Dingo "Who's Online" page Fan#1

    Hatican City tours with Pope and shambolic festival
    With the volcanic eruption in Wodongaria (report: http://www.escchat.com/showthread.php?t=582 ) and the oceanic immersion of ColdIsland, the island that sank, 2010 has been another year of natural disasters in Avalon. But one small nation has recovered from its 2009 earthquake (report: http://www.escchat.com/showthread.php?t=396 ) and is back on the road. Our correspondent Dae Dingo has been following the Hatican City on tour.
    Dae Dingo
    02:35 GMT, Sunday, 19th September 2010


    [IMG] [IMG]
    The Pope, with the Hatican City within his mitre (hat), board the Hatican Airways plane, which has the Hatican emblem on the side.

    It is a sight no-one expected to see: 9 months after being destroyed by a 9.6-magnitude earthquake, the Hatican City rose like a phoenix from the ashes. Out of the rubble, the holy nation, which is located within the Pope's hat (so quite literally 'in the popemobile'), boarded a grotesque Hatican Airways plane and commenced the 4-day tour of Avalon.

    King Lijam was angered by the Pope's words.

    The first diplomatic visit was to Wodongaria, the country that provided the most aid to the Hatican in the aftermath of the Christmas Eve earthquake. The two cans of baked beans and a nice hat sent by Wodongarians were imperative to the Hatican's miraculous recovery and head statesman Chris Ellaby wanted to express his gratitude. However, the ceremony in Alburius was blemished when the Pope alikened atheist Wodongaria to a third-world country. King Lijam Klarkovic is said to have expressed his outrage at this remark by throwing a Jacuvia flag at the Pope.

    On Friday morning, the Hatican City organised a not-so-swift exit out of Wodongaria with Slowpoke Air airlines, who flew the touring state to Nova Nova Scotia. Reports suggested that Nova Nova Scotian Prime Minister Stewart "Dirty Talk" Aitken was too busy having his hair styled by renowned Honolulan hairdresser Sunshine to notice the unfolding events. To his dismay, Aitken returned to find a Hatican City open-air festival taking place in the capital city Steadfast. Due to international-law, he was forbidden to intervene.

    The Popel Festival stage has been designed to feature the flag, emblem and colours of the Hatican City.

    The concerts feature the Choir of Old Men in White Costumes from Arbana, singing a strange operetta.

    Susan Boyle, aka 'SuBo', headlines the performances.

    The Hatican City Popel Festival will tour three Avalon countries and take place at four different venues. The main stage was designed by students from the Hatican School of Farty Arts and incorporates the Hatican City colours, flag and emblem. With performances coming from Susan Boyle, Michelle McmAnus and Josh Dubovie among others, some critiques are already branding it the worst festival line-up ever.

    A Hexelbourger waves his flag. Hexelbourgers turned up at the festival in large numbers.

    Alex Salmond flies in from Il Regno d'Italofilia for the opening concert.

    About 70,000 people attended the opening concert in Steadfast with many festival-goers coming from Nova Nova Scotia and the entire population of the Hatican City. Surprisingly, hoards of Hexelbourgers also turned up at the event after a radio reporter in Hexelbourg made a mistake reading the name "SuBo" and said "So-Nyeo" instead. There was also star appearance from Alex Salmond MIRIP, attending on behalf of Il Regno d'Italofilia, while guest performer Hadise sang her version of the anthem 'Nova Nova Scotia, Nova Nova Espera (Tek Tek)'.

    Hexelbourgers and Nova Nova Scotians unite in their hatred of the festival.

    Despite the large attendance at the opening concert, only three claps of applause were heard throughout all performances, and all of these came from the same person. 3,001 people wept as a result of their "intolerable suffering", while 57 people committed suicide. The festival did however receive a 5 star review from the Lusitanian Observer, which cited an "anti-condom rap" by the Pope as the only weak performance of the day.

    The next stage of the Popel Festival will be in Black Daisystan, where the Hatican organisers are hoping for a conservative yet less-volatile reception.

  2. adamacs RUTH DAVIDSON FOR PM.

    Alex Salomond for PM qf!!!

  3. Liam Esterran.

    King Lijam, who is currently on holidays himself issued the following statement in an impromptu press conference this morning:

    "Fuck you pope!"

    On a side note, I am q.f a fan of this article. ;D
  4. Jonny Ginger Tory Witch

    Indeed, the wonderfully conservative Black Daisystan will indeed welcome the Pope with welcome arms, given that he is a beacon of light and hope to the lives of our poverty stricken, disease ridden residents.
  5. Eurovizz Member

    HAHAHA XD uhhh T_T

    lthe only thing those pedo priests need is some SNSD legs and then it will be the best concert ever
  6. Arben The Flag Lover


    haha yes haticans love arbana music ;D, also white old fags are still awesome..

    the whole article is fantasticno
  7. c1ask0 Napkin of death holder


    Can't believe I didn't read it until now! :o
  8. James ... and his things xD

    welcome back dear!

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